|everything's haggis in hoboken, or scots wha hae hae
||[Nov. 11th, 2004|11:30 pm]
Everything's Haggis in Hoboken
or, Scots Wha Hae Hae
That hero my allegiance earns
Who boldly speaks of Robert Burns.
I have an inexpensive hobby --
Simply not to call him Bobby.
It's really just as easy as not
Referring to Sir Wally Scott,
But many, otherwise resolute,
While mentioning Burns go coy and cute,
Scholars hip-deep in Homer and Horrace
Suddenly turn all doch-an-dorris;
Fine ladies who should pose and purr
Roll out a half-rolled Highland bur;
Conventioneers in littered lobby
Hoist their glasses in praise of Bobbie;
All, all Burns-hally and Bobbie-loopy.
They dandle him like a Scotian kewpie.
I'll brush away like gnats and midges
Those who quote from Bobbies Southey and Bridges;
I will not snap my Hopalong gun
At admirers of Bobbie Stevenson
(To be Bobbied is no worse, I guess,
Than being enshrined as R.L.S);
I'd even attempt to save from drowning
Maidens who dream of Bobbie Browning;
But of Robert Burns I'm a serious fan,
He wrote like an angel and lived like a man,
And I yearn to shatter a set of crockery
On this condescending Bobbie-Sockery.
Well, I'm off, before I break the law,
To read Tommy Hardy and Bernie Shaw.
-- Ogden Nash